Weights! Your newest friend in weight loss!

Good Morning Diary!!!
Ok I have noticed an increase in my weight since I last wrote. I blame hormones but whatever because I now have a new weapon in my fight against unsightly body bulges and it is..........(You'll never believe this one!) WEIGHT! Of course! It is so simple! One fights fire with fire so therefore fights weight with weight; Specifically weight lifting!

With this in mind I have officially commandeered my son's Bowflex,painted it pink,glued jewels on that I got from Micheals and have launched into my new regimen with abandon! Little wants to start with me but we are waiting for the little weights to arrive from wwwBalloonDog.com before we can start.

I started weight lifting this morning and I can state that it is an unmitigated success! I started with arm weights while sitting in that little seat that comes with the Bowflex.It is important to sit while doing this so that I don't pass out.(Ok Shut up. I admit that my general fitness has been better. I was on hiatus until Spring) Just about rep number 5, I noticed that there were spider webs clinging to the ceiling so I abandoned my Spangly Bowflex, got out my Webster and started taking them down. This exercise was a great workout for my lateral bats and bateral lats. I could feel it working right away. Plus I got a bonus leg workout while balancing precariously on the arm of the sofa on one foot. I held this pose for the count of ten then tried it with one leg extended. Marvelous!
After this heady workout I did some stretching.Unfortunately I was bending with my head looking between my legs and noticed that Little had put his nose prints all over the glass door behind me. Wax On! Wax Off!I am the Karate Kid!

I feel a bit sore now Diary so I am taking it easy and letting the muscles regenerate.I anticipate that I will be Buffty Buffcakes in a day or so. Little will have to work extra hard to catch up. I saw a recent photo of him and didn't realize how puffed up he got over the hibernation season. I did not tell him how fat he was and instead plan to surreptitiously force him into hard labor to reduce his massive girth.It is an ongoing process for the 2 of us but I think I have it all figured out. With that in mind, Little and I recommend weight lifting.It is good for the body and the house!
Happy Dieting!

Nutella

Shhhhhh! Diary! I have locked self in the bathroom with a jar of nutella, a knife and a can of whipped cream. If I don't emerge in half an hour please break down the door with a syringe of insulin.

C'est Trop Unjust!

CHRIS ELLIS is having the mid month let down. MUST.....HAVE......CAKE!!!!!!!
Instead I fired up the giant espresso pot. Thus my second wind which is still as weak as a dying man's breath. I may take a tumble off the Cakeholic wagon and let it drag me a few miles before I scrabble painfully back on. Comme c'est dur, La Vie. Hopefully I make it till bedtime!

A WellDeserved Eulogy For A Legend

The time has come for me to write a well deserved eulogy; words of praise and appreciation for a man whose probably thankless task was left unacknowledged by millions. I'm talking about beloved and now deceased pitchman, Billy Mays. Many nights Little and I have spent straining our ears to hear the movie we were watching with the volume turned down to avoid waking my sleeping family members,especially my long suffering husband who works incredibly hard and deserves a great night's sleep, only to have an Oxyclean commercial come on like a 21 gun salute inside a tin hut. Billy was with us! 'DO YOU HAVE UNSIGHTLY RUST STAINS INSIDE YOUR TOILET?" He would shriek."HAVE YOU TRIED EVERYTHING BUT CAN'T GET THEM OUT?" every single time this commercial came on I would find myself nodding frantically. YES BILLY! (I would think inside my head in nonverbal 28 point font) YES! I DO! AND I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED AND HAVE CRUMBLED INTO A HEAP OF APATHETIC FLESH AND AGING BONES OVER IT!" Tearfully I would relate to Billy (inside my head)my silent frustrations and secret sorrow. Billy would nod knowingly and then give us the answer to our prayers. OXYCLEAN!!!!
I had my phone set to auto-dial the Oxyclean number and I still have several cases in my basement.
Oh Sure! There have been others;those who try to use slick fast talking tactics in place of sheer volume and excitement (Are you listening Shamwow guy?) but there was no one like Billy; a giant teddy bear with an elephant's voice trumpeting excitedly about the glories and magic of whatever product he was selling. We miss you Billy. We miss your excitement and conviction.We miss your company in the middle of the night. We even miss having my husband open one eye and grunt "WA..WAZZAT?" when you came on. You were simply the best.I'm sure the good Lord has you in the cleanest corner of heaven.
XO
Chris and Little

Love Turd

I came home today to find that Little had left me a Love Turd in the middle of my bedroom carpet. Nothing says "I Love You" quite as much as a beautifully crafted and artfully placed Love Turd left there by one who adores you.
I love you too Little. Wanna know how much?
Go look in your bed.