Fat Little, or, A Little Bit Bigger

Hello again Diary!
Little and I are taking it easy tonight. I am typing lazily while Little is snoozing heavily, his tubby little body moving up and down rhythmically like a fat little ship on a gentle ocean. This past weekend Little and I wore ourselves out. We took two very long walks up hills and through valley huffing and puffing all the way. Little's leash harness has been let out to it's most extreme length. It was a harness for a medium sized dog and it is stretched almost to the breaking point trying to circumvent Little's giant girth. you would think that after two major walks it would fit a bit looser but Little defies logic and the conservation of energy theory and somehow got fatter still. I am seriously considering changing his name from "Little" to "A Little Bit Bigger"
I on the other hand am down by half a pound. There is no other secret to this massive weight loss of mine other than the fact the lovely Flavia has me on a diet where I am allowed not one single crystal of sugar. Not one. This, of course, has made life hardly worth living and dinner hardly worth eating therefore I have dumped huge quantities of weight (5 pounds).I have to say that I do feel so much better. As long as I honor the Flavia diet I have no more stomach aches and never have to worry about losing weight. Also I don't have the joint pain I was having and am now able to march Little all over Morgan Hill and live to tell about it. WE RECOMMEND THE FLAVIA DIET!!!!! Little and I agree that she rocks!
Little will have to go see Flavia. I am sure that his kibble contains gluten and this is likely the problem. He is going gluten free like me and will be slim as a reed by summer!

KIBBLEHOLIC

Little would like to take this opportunity, having been emboldened by my recent confession, that he is a Kibbleholic. He used to be able to take them or leave them alone. The vet said it would be ok for him to graze on kibble during the day but this quickly spun out of control. Little was rarely seen without his tiny jaws champing up and down incessantly on kibble. The smell of kibble lingered from room to room as he munched and wandered and wandered and munched. Recently I found stashes of kibble all over the house, in drawers, under the bed and in the trash cabinet behind the bin. Little tried to tell me that these were emergency provisions for Y 2K. I gently informed him that he was about 10 years too late and Y 2K happened before he was born 3 years ago. Little broke down and cried it out. We now have him on a 12 step program (or 7 steps in dog years) and he is making progress. It has been an emotionally draining weekend for Little and Me. He seems relieved after his Kibble intervention, or "Kibblvention" and has resolved to mend his ways and live a holier life. Little and I have to face our demons and resolve to be stronger than they are. They only have power by the grace of ourselves and we cannot forget that. It would be fatal. Things are changing here in Morgan Hill. Little and I have decided that we can live with truth!

cakaholic

Good afternoon Diary. I have an announcement to make. MY NAME IS CHRIS ELLIS AND I'M A CAKAHOLIC! I hit bottom recently when I had a red velvet cupcake with a raspberry white chocolate cake chaser. Once I started I was like a train out of control. Shortly thereafter I was at the bakery for another chocolate fudge cupcake with mocha fudge frosting with a slice of chocolate cake with mint frosting for dessert. The next day I could not get out of bed. I had a cake hangover to end all cake hangovers. I had to have several "hairs of the dog" to bring myself up to functioning condition. I made the mistake of making that "Hair of the dog" crack within ear shot of Little and he took immediate umbrage forcing me to buy back his love all morning with coffee and donuts. Chihuahuas apparently love donuts which explains why Little now looks like a woolly bear caterpillar with back boobs.

Speaking of cracks or crack, I have decided that kicking methamphetamine must be easier than trying to become my own master against the evil cake empire. Times are harsh now Diary and I have a long climb up from the bottom. I am now in a 12 step program (for which I have left out several steps because I am just too lazy to do them.) I have written up a list of those close to me that I have harmed with my Cakaholism (which is a disease, not a choice). I will pay back every dime I have pilfered for "just one more trip to the bakery" I have accounted for every moment that I have been at the Safeway licking the pastry glass when I said I would be somewhere else. I will make wholesome meals for my family instead of pretending it is someone's birthday (everyday) and honoring them with a cake in absentia. The masks are off now Diary and my soul is bare. I pray that I will be strong when I see Sarah Lee commercials on TV or smell freshly baked cookies as I shop innocently at the Safeway.

I have taken the first step Diary. I have Little here are my guide (although he is a slim reed upon which to lean when it comes to self control. I guess something is more than nothing.) Let's see what tomorrow brings.......

Runway models

Waist Watchers Food Diary 19 March 2010
Well folks, its Friday again! The sun is out and the sky is beautiful. The view from my bedroom is too pretty for words. I can see the hills and they are green which will last for only a few fleeting months so I must suck up as much view right now as I can. Luckily there are things in life that are wonderful and do not entail food or calories. Still they all take a backseat to Red Velvet Cake!
OK Enough random wanderings and let's get back to the subject of Waist Management.
Today I was thinking about the subject of runway models, that alien species of creature with ostrich legs and no flesh. These allegedly start out as "normal" teenagers then enter into a realm of alternate reality where dinner consists of lettuce leaves with no dressing and half a glass of water and breakfast consists of Ex-Lax. Some of these girls are under 18 and this folks, appears to be criminal neglect or flat out child abuse. The last time I saw a fashion show I was literally sickened by watching young women at the point of starvation parading around self consciously in some "creation" invented by a designer with an inflated sense of self and no conscience of anything around him/her. There are some exceptions but in general that is what I see when I watch the fashion channel.

With that in mind, let's look at what we are going for when we diet and exercise. I think the most beautiful people I have ever seen are healthy with glowing skin and sparkling eyes., These do not come from a scarcity of food and nutrition in our bodies. This comes from a sincere care about self and others. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman quietly holding a sleeping baby, it doesn't matter that that woman is the grandma. Also beautiful is the sight of kids covered in flour with chocolate on their faces presenting someone with a flattened cake held together by frosting mortar. A person who has just run a marathon and sweated all their make up off is beautiful to me. in short it is not what you wear or what you look like in silhouette,it is really and only how you look when you are truly caring about yourself and someone else. All else pales in comparison to the true radiant beauty that we see all around us on a daily basis. These young girls are beautiful but not when they are starving. They are beautiful when they are sharing an ice cream cone with a friend or trying their best to master a musical instrument or babysitting or playing with their dogs. Please let's not tell them that they are only beautiful if they debase themselves by starvation. Cut the clothes a little more generously please and let's get our beautiful daughters healthy and happy again.

Loofah Trutha!

Ok Diary, so it has been several weeks since I communicated with you and there is a very good reason for this.I have been working full time trying to grow back several layers of skin. (Please see my last post about the loofah program) Little and I enthusiastically dove into our new loofah plan with a vengeance. We showered and loofahed and loofahed and showered until we were bright red. The next day we were bedridden and swollen up. However this did work well as a weight loss strategy as we were way too sore to get out of bed and spent a lot of calories arguing about who was well enough to go to the kitchen and get us food. The answer was that no one was so we lived on water for several days and then waited for the ski masks to arrive off of www.loofahaccidents.com. Needless to say it was very nerve racking but the skin has grown back. Little and I went out to Giancarlo's to celebrate our weight loss and new young skin. Unfortunately we ordered a bunch of stuff for the next few days and well, we gained it all back. So as far as Little and I are concerned loofahs are now a proven weight loss method however it is quite painful and if you are unlucky enough to have someone to assist you when you are recovering, you won't lose any weight. Therefore Little and I rate this one as dicey at best and a whole lot of pain.It rates about the same as intestinal parasites which can be quite effective given the right circumstances, (i.e. in a foreign country with no Immodium to hand). Ok! Onward Diary! Little and I have much research to do! Who knows where we will be next?!