The time has come for me to write a well deserved eulogy; words of praise and appreciation for a man whose probably thankless task was left unacknowledged by millions. I'm talking about beloved and now deceased pitchman, Billy Mays. Many nights Little and I have spent straining our ears to hear the movie we were watching with the volume turned down to avoid waking my sleeping family members,especially my long suffering husband who works incredibly hard and deserves a great night's sleep, only to have an Oxyclean commercial come on like a 21 gun salute inside a tin hut. Billy was with us! 'DO YOU HAVE UNSIGHTLY RUST STAINS INSIDE YOUR TOILET?" He would shriek."HAVE YOU TRIED EVERYTHING BUT CAN'T GET THEM OUT?" every single time this commercial came on I would find myself nodding frantically. YES BILLY! (I would think inside my head in nonverbal 28 point font) YES! I DO! AND I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED AND HAVE CRUMBLED INTO A HEAP OF APATHETIC FLESH AND AGING BONES OVER IT!" Tearfully I would relate to Billy (inside my head)my silent frustrations and secret sorrow. Billy would nod knowingly and then give us the answer to our prayers. OXYCLEAN!!!!
I had my phone set to auto-dial the Oxyclean number and I still have several cases in my basement.
Oh Sure! There have been others;those who try to use slick fast talking tactics in place of sheer volume and excitement (Are you listening Shamwow guy?) but there was no one like Billy; a giant teddy bear with an elephant's voice trumpeting excitedly about the glories and magic of whatever product he was selling. We miss you Billy. We miss your excitement and conviction.We miss your company in the middle of the night. We even miss having my husband open one eye and grunt "WA..WAZZAT?" when you came on. You were simply the best.I'm sure the good Lord has you in the cleanest corner of heaven.
XO
Chris and Little
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