Egyptian Book of the Dead. Diet tips for the afterlife?

WAIST WATCHERS FOOD DIARY STAR DATE 15 FEBRUARY 2010.
Well diary, yesterday was Valentine's day and today the chocolate is gone leaving only a bitter guilt aftertaste and several unnecessary and unsightly bulges. Oh My God! thank heaven there are a few more months before we have to face down bikini season. My plans for turning self and Little orange through excessive carrot consumption (thus avoiding the tedious tanning process) met with disaster. Little had the deadly carrot induced dog miasma and spent the evening outside while I ended up with a carrot induced stomach ache that lasted all night. I don't think any one can eat that many carrots. I'm going to have to come up with a plan "B". As far as weight loss, the stomach ache helped with that and carrots, for that reason are a great diet aide since one cannot eat anything when one is ill of a surfeit of them.

Still, Little and I are quite excited about our future postmortem plans for eternal slenderness and we have been trying on strips of rags just to see how we will look in the afterlife. It is easy to see why mummies stay slim. I have read the Egyptian Book of the Dead. Death seems so simple but those Pharaohs spend eternity positively sprinting from one end of the afterlife to the other trying to escape from all manner of nasty other dimensional creatures who are bent on eating their souls. This is the Waist Watchers equivalent of many exercise points. If you are a deceased Pharaoh you'd better be on the ball. Little and I are thankful we are just a couple of grunts and other dimensional creatures seemingly do not like our souls as they are probably diet food and we all know how appetizing that is. Little's and my souls are probably the Egyptian other dimensional creature's equivalent of carrots.